*This post was written by guest blogger Annika McGivern. You can read more about her at the bottom of this post!*
In my work as a Mental Performance Consultant, one of the conversations I have most frequently with my clients is the conversation about perfectionism.
Perfectionism is extremely common among equestrians, but we are not the only ones it affects. Indeed, perfectionism is common in most sports and in any area of life where you find people driven to succeed or achieve. It’s easy to shrug off perfectionism as a harmless tendency to hold oneself to high standards, or a reluctance to accept mediocre results. In fact, many of us consider perfectionism to be necessary to achieve our full potential. Unfortunately, this casual acceptance prevents us from fully understanding the potential downsides to perfectionism as a strategy for success, and how it can negatively influence our well-being, our performance, and even our long-term success in sport and life.
As we grow up, we learn through experience what works, or doesn’t work, to move us ahead in life. The reason why perfectionism is such a common phenomenon is that many of us learn early in life that it pays off to be a perfectionist. There are many helpful aspects to perfectionism that help us learn, make a good impression on others, and generally support our own success. Examples of positive perfectionism traits are things like being detail oriented, applying a lot of effort, setting and working towards goals, and striving for constant improvement. These positive aspects work for us, and so we learn that perfectionism is an effective strategy and continue to apply it. From this perspective, we could view perfectionism as a strength, but that wouldn’t give us the full picture.
Every strength has the potential to limit us if we rely too heavily on it as an isolated strategy for success. Being organized is a strength, but not if we depend so completely on organization that we are unable to be flexible when we need to be. Being sensitive to other people’s needs is a strength, but not if we feel we must always prioritize other people’s needs over our own to be liked and respected.
Think of every strength as having two sides, positive aspects and negative aspects. Perfectionism is the same. If we rely too heavily on perfectionism, we become highly critical of ourselves, struggle to acknowledge our progress, and begin to fear mistakes and failures. If we don’t have other strengths to balance out perfectionism, over time the negative aspects of perfectionism become more and more pronounced and begin to hold us back.
There are two truths that help us embrace a new perspective around perfectionism:
- Perfectionism comes from a desire to do well in your riding and achieve your goals. It can feel scary to loosen your grip on perfectionism, because it can feel like you need it to succeed. It’s important to recognize that there are better strategies out there than driving yourself to be perfect all the time. I’ve worked with countless riders who have discovered that letting go of perfectionism is part of what helps them achieve their full potential.
- Perfectionism also comes from a desire to be in control of our results and our success. However, being a perfectionist doesn’t give us more control over our results. We can never fully control our results, but we can get good at knowing what we can control and focusing our efforts on those things. But to do this, we must accept this lack of control and tune into excellence, instead of perfection.
So, with all that in mind, here are three steps you can take to make sure perfectionism isn’t sabotaging your riding.
1. Get serious about excellence, instead of perfection and make sure you understand the difference.
To strive for perfection is to try to be the finished product right away. To strive for excellence is to try to constantly improve. When we are focused on being perfect, we typically feel we must prove we are good enough (to ourselves, our coach, and our community) every time we get in the saddle. Getting serious about excellence starts with acknowledging that perfect is an ideal and means focusing on improving every time we get in the saddle. Improve, not prove.
Strive for excellence by learning and improving through imperfect action. This means going to the clinic, signing up for the show, or going on the trail ride, even if you don’t feel 100% ready (here’s a secret – no one ever feels one hundred percent ready). With practice you can learn to get excited about the possibility of getting one percent better every time you get in the saddle, instead of pressuring ourselves to have it all figured out. This perspective creates rapid growth because we push ourselves outside of our comfort zone again and again and learn from everything that happens, good and bad
2. Embrace a Growth Mindset around learning, mistakes, and failures.
A growth mindset is based on the belief that ability is something we constantly develop through consistent and strategic effort. This mindset helps us to accept mistakes and failures as inevitable and vital opportunities for further growth towards excellence. This perspective will turn anything that happens to you into an opportunity to improve.
A growth mindset is also based on the belief that learning is fundamental to improvement. Striving for perfection is about trying to look like you have all the knowledge and skills already. Striving for excellence is about being comfortable admitting you don’t know how… yet. The power of a growth mindset is that we attribute progress to effort instead of natural talent, which helps us recognise that we can be a great rider and still be learning. This perspective helps you to let go of the self-conscious desire to look perfect and focus on the more important work of learning and improving.
3. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is an excellent strength to balance out perfectionism. Perfectionism inspires us to use fear as a motivator. If you aren’t perfect, you’ll be a failure. If you’re not perfect, no one will love you. These are the types of lies perfectionism can tell us. In the short term, this fear can drive us to work harder, but in the long term it’s exhausting and can actually reduce our motivation. If fear doesn’t work in the long term, what is the best motivator? We usually underestimate the things that offer us the truest form of motivation, such as wonder, curiosity, growth, adventure, joy, and personal development. Instead of self-punishment, the best response when things have not gone according to plan is to dig deep for some self-compassion. This allows us to focus on understanding exactly what didn’t work and get curious about the best way to learn from what happened. Self-compassion means focusing on curiosity instead of blame and emphasizing understanding and learning over self-punishment.
If you, like many riders, have been over relying on perfectionism for a long time, it could be time to think about diversifying your strengths. Keep the good parts and then take a good look at where perfectionism could be holding you back. Regardless of how strong your tendency towards perfectionism is, all riders will benefit from focusing on excellence, developing a growth mindset, and strengthening their self-compassion, and so working on this aspect of your mindset is always time well spent!
If you'd like to learn more about mastering your mental skills and moving beyond perfectionism for better results in the saddle, check out our Mindset courses with Dr. Jenny Susser, Annette Paterakis, and Chelsea Canedy on NF+.
About the Author
Annika is a Mental Performance Consultant who works with Equestrians to build confidence and develop key mental skills to support competence and progress in the saddle. Having grown up as a Three-Day Eventer in British Columbia, Canada, Annika worked internationally in eventing and show jumping after graduating high-school as a groom, rider, and coach in Ireland, Australia and America. During her riding career she encountered Sport Psychology and was fascinated by the impact it had on success in horse sport and so, after completing her Equine Canada Competition Coach certification, Annika returned to school to study psychology. Today, with an MSc in Sport and Exercise Psychology, Annika works with riders and other athletes to understand and build mental fitness for sport and performance. Her philosophy of practice is grounded in the science-backed tools and methods of performance psychology, and theoretical frameworks such as Cognitive Behavioural Coaching, Positive Psychology, and Solution Focused Coaching. Annika is a professional member of the Canadian Sport Psychology Association. Find out more at www.annikamcgivern.com or on instagram: @annikamcgivern.performance.
