A lot of what goes wrong in horse sport doesn’t start with cruelty. It starts with frustration.
Pressure builds and progress slows, and expectations start running the ride. Riders are still showing up and trying to do right by their horse. But frustration pulls the nervous system out of regulation, patience fades, curiosity slips away, and harmful action comes before understanding.
When that happens, our horses carry the cost.
This is part of why equestrian sport continues to face scrutiny. Not because most riders don’t care, but because emotional regulation is rarely treated as a core skill. We talk about strength, timing, and technique. We talk far less about what happens inside a rider’s mind when things stop working.
That’s where Laura Graves’ perspective feels especially relevant.
In a moment from her NF+ masterclass Laura Graves Troubleshoots Common Flatwork Woes, the Olympic medalist speaks candidly about frustration in the saddle and why curiosity is the most important response a rider can develop. Not as a feel-good concept, but as a practical discipline that protects both horse and rider.
Frustration narrows thinking. Curiosity opens it back up.
Laura doesn’t deny frustration. She names it, then she reframes it.
When a horse doesn’t respond the way we expect, it usually means something in the communication is unclear. The rider is trying to solve a problem. The horse is trying to answer a question. Both are guessing.
Curiosity changes the dynamic. It slows the moment down just enough for the rider to notice what they’re feeling, what they’re asking, and what the horse is offering in return. That pause is not passive. It’s active restraint. It’s the decision not to escalate before understanding.
That’s the work beneath the work..
Learning to listen when no one else is talking
One of Laura’s most meaningful suggestions is the importance of time alone with your horse. Not as a rejection of trainers or structure, but as a way to strengthen your own awareness.
When there isn’t another voice directing every step, riders tend to listen more closely. They notice patterns, they feel inconsistencies, and they start asking different questions. Those questions don’t replace coaching. They deepen it.
Laura is clear that not every answer you try will be the right one. That’s not the point. The point is staying reflective enough to adjust when something doesn’t land the way you hoped.
Horses are responding to uncertainty, not defiance
A central idea in Laura’s teaching is that horses are allowed to be unsure.
When a horse responds with tension or inconsistency, it’s often because they don’t fully understand the request. That response is information to work with, not a problem to correct.
This shift matters because it removes blame from the interaction. It places responsibility back on the rider to clarify rather than fix. In a sport that is increasingly asked to justify its ethics, that distinction carries real weight.
The mindset behind elite riding
Laura also shares that much of what riders hear in her teaching reflects the internal conversation she has with herself while riding. She checks in with what she feels, what she applies, and how her horse responds.
That internal dialogue doesn’t eliminate mistakes, but it does prevent emotional spillover. It keeps frustration from turning into harm and it’s one of the most transferable skills any rider can develop.
Curiosity is not soft. It’s protective.
Curiosity gets dismissed as gentle or optional. In reality, it’s a safeguard. Curiosity is what keeps riders accountable in moments that matter.
If more riders approached training the way Laura Graves describes, the sport would be having very different conversations right now. Not because the work would be easier, but because it would be more responsible.
Dressage will always ask a lot. The real question is how riders meet that demand when things get hard.
Watch the full masterclass on NF+
This article and podcast episode offer one window into Laura Graves’ approach.
In her NF+ masterclass Laura Graves Troubleshoots Common Flatwork Woes, Laura goes deeper into the mental and physical challenges riders face, offering guidance that supports better decision-making, clearer communication, and more ethical training choices.
👉 Watch the full masterclass on NF+ and explore what changes when curiosity becomes part of your training system.
Visit noellefloydplus.com to access this course and the full NF+ training library.
